Dear 16 year old Abbi,
Stop obsessing over your boobs girl. Yes, they’re small. Yes, they never grew the same time everyones else did. Yes, people make fun of you because you of it. But, they do end up growing, just a little bit and you won’t need the surgery you keep telling everyone you’re going to have. Turns out big boobs are going to go out of fashion and it’s all about the bum now *shrugs*. And when you’re 20 you’re not going to care about your boob size and you’re going to realise that there are bigger things in life.
It’s ok to still be obsessed with Disney. Don’t let anyone ever bully you out of that one, kid. We all need something magical in our life, we all need something rich in colour and a soundtrack we can listen to that makes us happy and Disney will be that for you. Oh, when you’re 20, you’re going to go to Disneyland Paris and you’re going to want to cry and you’re going to have the trip of a life time and you’re going to watch Dreams and you’re going to feel so alive. You’ll count it as the best week ever. (Oh, and you’re still going to cry at The Lion King, sorry.)
You’re going to mess up, and you’re going to be ok. Life is all about lessons and no matter how much you fear failure, it’s going to happen. But the key is to learn from it. Grow from it. Put it in the catalogue of memories and move on. When you’re 17 you’re going to hurt someone you meet at college and you’re not really going to realise it and then three years later it’s going to bite you back in the butt, but you’re going to be ok. When you’re 19 you’re going to accidentally dye your hair green and you’re going to be really angry about it. But a week later you’re going to embrace it and learn to live with it. You’ll accept that it’s just hair.
The boy you’re with now? He’s going to break your heart. Every little piece. You’re going to have sleepless nights. You’re going to keep going back even though you shouldn’t. You’re going to cry yourself to sleep. You’re going to wonder if you’ll ever feel ok again. You’re going to stop seeing your friends. You’re going to feel ashamed of yourself even though you’ve got no reason to. You’re going to do really stupid things. You’re going to break down in a public toilet one day because you simply can’t take it anymore. And your 20 year old self is still going to be upset over that. And then one day, you’re going to wake up. And it’s going to be sunny. And you’re going to look out the window. And you’re going to be ok. And you’ll find happiness again and you’re even going to meet someone pretty soon who it’s not going to last forever with, but he’s going to make you feel ok, and smart, and funny and show you what love really is.
That addiction to One Direction? Yeah sorry kid, that’s not going to change. In fact, they’re going to do three world tours, all of which you’re going to beg you’re mum to take you to (did you thank her?) and you’re still going to have an unhealthy crush on Harry Styles. Oh, and that “Mrs. Styles” t-shirt your future boyfriend is going to buy you… you’re still going to wear it at 20 years old as a PJ top. And you’re going to have no shame. Go you!
Stop being rude to your mum. She loves you unconditionally and you don’t know what she’s going through deep down. She’s trying her absolute hardest to make sure there’s food on the table, there’s clothes on your back and there’s a roof over your head to keep you warm. She’s also trying to get through to you, let her. She’s the most important person in your life and when you’re stuck at the train station after college in the cold and dark, she’s going to come pick you up. And when you’re 100 miles away and you call her in tears saying you can’t do it anymore, she’ll be the one to persuade you to keep going. When you’re in hospital for 5 days, she’ll sleep by your side every single night despite it being probably the most uncomfortable thing in the world and she hasn’t showered or eaten probably. But she stays despite the fact you’re 18 and the doctors told you should be on your own. Appreciate her and cherish her, because she’s your mum and she’s the most important person in this whole entire world.
Stop thinking you won’t make people proud. Because you’re going to come out of college with the highest possible grades, you’re going to get into university and you’re sometimes get really good grades. You’re going to write a blog (I can’t remember… have you already started?) and you might not be a millionaire or getting a first in every single university grade ever, but your parents are still going to very proud of you and you’re going to feel super proud of yourself too. Staying up till 3am wondering about your ability isn’t going to help you right now.
There’s nothing you can’t do. You put yourself down all the time. You cower in the corners. You say no to parties because you’re scared. You stay silent because it’s easier. But, you’ll realise that all of that stuff comes from you. Confidence comes from you. Happiness comes from you. And one day you’re going to learn to put your head higher and you’re going to say yes to more opportunities and you’re going to be happier for it. Promise.
You’re going to write this, on a Tuesday night at around 9pm listening to Disney soundtracks feeling a bit emotional. You’re going to get ever so slightly upset reflecting on little naive 16 year old you. But, you’re also going to remember that despite the lows, you’ve got the best four years ahead of you. You’re going to fall in love, move out, meet the friends you’re going to have for life, you’re going to fall out with people, but you’re going to embrace all the changes and you’re going to keep going, you’re going to have the best memories, you’re going to go to university, you’re going to have people stick around, you’re going to work hard, you’re going to work in a bar (I know!) despite you’re fear of communication, and it’s going to be fine. Oh, and that boy who broke your heart? You’re going to meet up in four years time and you’re going to laugh about all the crap that happened when you were just 16 years old.