Now, this post has literally been sitting in my drafts in a while and I’ve never been too sure whether to post it. Whilst I claim to be a life style blog, I mainly focus on beauty and always worry about posting something that isn’t glittery, pink or lipstick related. Which is weird because it is my blog and I can post whatever I want to, plus, if people want to read beauty posts, they can just skip past these.
I have never claimed to give good advice, but if someone is to ask me advice, I seriously do think about the situation and what’s happened carefully before adding my two pence. I’m not even sure this is an ‘advice’ post but I definitely hope it helps some people! Shall I get started?
I’m quite a insecure, sensitive person which whilst it does have it’s good points, sadly, it’s mainly negative and i’ve found that being insecure and sensitive, being jealous comes into it as well! Now, i’m never typically jealous of people having a certain thing that I don’t, or having more stuff that me, but more relationship wise. So i’ll be jealous if my friend starts hanging out with someone else. I’ll be jealous if I see my crush even staring at another girl. Let’s be honest girlies, it’s the worst feeling in the world. So last week I was having a real low moment and knew I needed to change. Sure, I know I will never ever get rid of the ‘jealous’ feeling completely, but I knew I could change how I reacted to it.
So, I wrote out some pointers which I am going to share with you. Now, I only wrote these out last week, but have been reading them back everyday and can I be honest? I definitely haven’t been getting as upset or angry if I have a ‘jealous’ moment so I felt the need to share them with you. I do hope they work for you as well as they currently have for me and if you have any points, it would be lovely if you could leave them below! I hope these help. Please note, they’re not in any particular order haha!
1. Bite your tongue.
This may be extremely easy for some people but guess what? For me it’s the hardest thing, especially if i’m told something face to face that makes me jealous. But giving someone the silent treatment, rolling your eyes, responding with a sarcastic comment or even starting an argument is only going to make things worse. Not only will you make yourself feel worse, the other person isn’t going to understand why you’ve reacted in such a way and it will either make them angry and/or upset. So, try to do what a non-jealous person will do. Smile, depending on what they’ve said, congratulate them and just act like a nice person. It’s hard but it’s worth it. That person won’t be angry and if they are sad enough to make you jealous on purpose, they won’t be getting the reaction they’re expecting.
2. It’s going to happen.
Guess what, people are always going to hurt you – whether they mean to or not. Even if you’re the nicest person in the world, you are still going to get hurt by someone. No amounting of nagging, stropping, shouting, snooping around will change that. People do what they want most of the time and follow their hearts. You can’t change how they feel or what’s happened so you have to deal with it. Doing any of the above is most definitely going to make things worse and not going to solve anything.
3. Give yourself time to calm down.
If you know you react typically in a negative way when it comes to being jealous, it’s important you do not react immediately. Which can be hard when you’re face to face, but it can still be done! But for instance, if you’ve seen on facebook that your crush is in a relationship or your ex is with someone new, instead of writing a indirect status or a catty comment or calling/texting them; give yourself time to calm down and don’t react. You will soon find that after half hour or so, you will be thinking in a much clearer way.
4. Stop feeling entitled to all of that person’s time.
If you’re like me and can be quite possessive of your friends, you might find it hard to see that person hanging out with someone else, or just being with someone. This one is for people in a relationship as well. Even if you’re best friends or a couple, you’re still entitled to all of that persons time. They can see other people, they can talk to other people and they can have time alone. It doesn’t always mean they are getting rid of you, replacing you or they’ve fallen in love with someone else. If you find it hard to deal with this, find someone or something else to fill your time. Don’t rely on them all the time. Read, watch loads of movies, learn a new hobby, start a blog (!) for instance, anything to distract yourself from wanting to be with them/talk to them every second of the day. They have a life as well and are entitled to live it how they want.
5. Remember jealousy is a vicious cycle that’s difficult to reverse.
Ok, so you’ve just found out you’re ex boyfriend is with someone new, you’re jealous, you’re angry, you tell them that they’re stupid or they’re new girlfriend is, whatever you do you react in a negative. Not only do you upset them, you make them angry. You have a argument; say several things you don’t mean and then finally walk off or stop. After an hour or so, you’ve calmed down, you realise that what you said was out of line and you just didn’t mean it. You go to talk to this person, guess what, they’re having none of it. Doesn’t sound fun does it? This is the vicious cycle that could happen every time you react with negative behaviour to being jealous. You can never take back what you’ve said, which is why this is so difficult to reverse.
7. Just because you feel or something – doesn’t mean it’s true.
So you see your boyfriend in Starbucks chatting to the pretty blonde from his science class. All of sudden, a million thoughts race through his mind, “is he seeing her? Why is he with her? She’s so pretty.” Ask yourself, are you overreacting? Just because your boyfriend is talking to someone, doesn’t mean he’s in love with her. After all, i’m sure you talk to other members of the opposite occasionally? Don’t let yourself let the negative thoughts overtake you.
8. Do not let them see you are jealous.
Not only does this make you look slightly childish; they could have the right to be mad at you. For example, you would hate it if your friend fell out badly with you because of how you reacted when you was jealous; after all, if you was mean for instance, she has every right to be angry. By not letting them see you are jealous, you don’t run the risk of falling out or ruining anything.
9. Don’t push them away!
If you care about this person who has made you jealous, don’t even run the risk of pushing them away. When you’re being angry, snarky or sarcastic, you’re automatically being less fun to be around. Ask yourself why they would want to spend time with someone like that.
10. Earn it.
Instead of trying to convince someone, through you’re jealous and negative behaviour, that they should give you what you want, think about how you can earn it. This will make you more focused on achieving what you want rather than just getting it from throwing a strop.
11. Be positive!
Negative thoughts = negative behaviour. Someone once told me that if you are negative about life, your life will be negative and why would it not be? Your not seeing the good in life. By being positive, you’re allowing positive things to happen to you and they will. Negative thoughts feed negative thoughts so they end up getting worse and just multiplying and there’s no need. For instance, instead of reacting like “my life is over. What’s the point of living now?” say “Ok, this is a little bump in the road. But, that’s all it is. A Bump. Bump’s are easy to get over and I’m going to get over this bump.” You’ll feel better too! Focusing on what makes you happy, makes it easier to be positive.
And as my favourite person in the world once said, stay strong.